So last night I was walking home from my free parking spot near Caltrain here in San Francisco.

I was walking down Fourth Street past Moscone West (a large conference facility named for a slain SF Mayor) and I saw that the ADA is having their conference here this week.

You know the ADA, right? 9 out of 10 dentists recommend Trident over whatever other gum. The American Dental Association. Anyway, the Moscone folks were setting up inside and shock of shocks the dentists were getting massive fridges of SODA and FRUIT JUICES (don't they tell us not to drink that stuff cause it's bad for our grills? At least mine does.) And it looked like it was going to be free to them - SWAG SODA and JUICE no way! Ah, well I don't drink soda and barely touch juice now but a girl can hoard for guests right?

Anyway they had a huge banner of who their special guest speakers were going to be. And I always find this interesting. I mean Apple has their fetes at Moscone so I get to see Steve Jobs, Oracle had their dealy at Moscone saw Larry Ellison. Even Bill Gates has made an appearance. Better yet when Comicon was town a few years back I saw Joss Whedon (BUFFY!!!!) and briefly caught a glimpse of Kevin Smith and horror of horrors when Brit Brit performed years back she stayed in the hotel at corner of Fourth and Market whose name I cannot remember right now. And my goofy best friend camped out screaming for Brit to come out until I pointed "hey remember there's a KFC not 4 blocks from here." And bam we were at KFC face to face with pre-twice-divorced Britney as she ate some hot wings and licked her fingers.

Anyway, so I peered through the window at who the ADA managed to line up to pull dentists from across the country and holy moly the got Lance Armstrong! There he was on the big banner "Special guest speaker Lance Armstrong" my thought what the heck is he gonna talk to a conference hall full of dentists about - "Yeah, I got teeth, I won the tour de France 7 times cause I got chompers!" Hee hee. But cool that's a big score better than having magician Lance Burton direct from Las Vegas or Lance Bass or some other Lance.

Next special guest - Billy Crystal. Okay. I guess he's got teeth too. At least in his photo on the banner he's all teeth - good promotion there. "Hey dentists come see me. I got teeth!"

Next special guest boggled my mind and I've been thinking about this all day - I kid you not. "Special guest Barbara Walters" And there was her photo grimmacing out from the banner and I thought "Does that woman even have teeth anymore? I mean does she have her own teeth anymore? Not ones you take out every night or once a week and soak in a glass?" Geez, I don't think I've ever seen Barbara Walters' teeth, I don't think I'd want to. Just trying to imagine them I think Oliver Twist slash Pirates of the Caribbean but with more coffee stains. Uggh.

Plus she's a serious hardcore JOURNALIST as she always likes to remind everyone. She interviewed Fidel Castro, Anwar Sadat etc. But apparently serious hardcore journalists can be bought for conferences.

Paris Hilton should have held a "I just got out of LA County Jail" conference then maybe Barbara Walters wouldn't acted so high and mighty and interviewed ol' blue eyes for a few bucks. That's it Paris Hilton's family doesn't have as much money as the ADA.

Got it. Chompers!